It's been a while since I've blogged - not for any reason other than, with the changing of the season into Fall and harder days at work, my allergies and stress have kicked up and induced some CFS flares. And from previous experience, I know I just have to communicate with my doctors, roll with the symptoms, and give my heart, body and soul some rest and oasis. Part of that was my escape to Sedona last week; and part of that was putting aside some things that could wait... like weekly blog writing. But that doesn't mean life or thoughts stop in the interim. So... here's what I have to share for now...
SPOILER ALERT: this ISN'T about my trip to Sedona. But it IS about cupcakes (eventually). So you should read it ;-)
LOVE IN PORT AUTHORITY
Today at church was the whole Love theme - loving God; loving your neighbor; being ONE with each other. And listening to the readings and the sermons reminded me of an encounter I had about a month ago on my commute home. After one of those late, stressful nights at the office, I was THRILLED to set foot in Port Authority. It meant that I was only a couple staircases away from being on a bus that would carry my tired self home. I had large headphones on, singing along quietly to Tony Alonso's "Encounter"and looking down at my feet as I walked. Clearly, the shop was closed and I didn't want to talk to anyone. "And God saw that SHE was good..."
Except SHE thought that SHE wanted to talk to me. She motioned in a way that made me look up and remove one earphone. Mistake #1. She said, "Can I ask you a question?" And, thinking she was a lost out-of-towner, I said "Sure. How can I help you?" as I removed my other headphone. Mistake #2. "I was wondering if you've ever heard of God the Mother." OH, NO... LORD, WHY?! I'M SO TIRED!
Generally, I'm very open to having a religion or spirituality conversation on the fly, even with a complete stranger. But at that moment, I realized what I had accidentally stepped into. A proselytizer from the "World Mission Society," a cult that sprung out of South Korea with a presence in NYC. Throughout the years, they've stopped me everywhere in midtown at all times of the day and night; and all begin with the lost "can I ask you a question" line. I sometimes think that I must vibrate at a certain level (even with headphones on and looking at the floor) that attracts certain types of people to seek me out. It has happened constantly throughout my life. So much so that I've started believing that God must direct people to me so that a seed can be planted in them. But that night, I was drained and didn't think I was mentally or physically up for the challenge. I wasn't in a prime state to plant anything. Especially not a seed in the heart of another cult member. But being Katie Riley, I also never turn them away. These conversations happen for a reason. And God's timing is God's timing. So, suck it up, Riley, and spread the love.
"Yes. I have heard of God the Mother AND I have heard about your organization. I can't stop and talk to you about it now, but I can give you the time it takes me to walk to my bus to chat." She continued walking with me while rattling off bullet points about salvation and Passover and different god beings. It was all a mush in my head. I remember saying, "I believe in God. And God is both masculine and feminine. God is Father. God is Mother. God is all things in one." I was not going to get into the Trinity at that point b/c that would have been a mess... although we both used common "God" and "Jesus" terms, so I knew that was safe ground. She quickly realized she wasn't getting anywhere. So she did what a cult member is trained to do. Change the topic. We jumped from 'who is God' to 'who is saved.' Salvation.
She asked, "Do you know how to earn salvation?" I heard a little chuckle in my head, not because I was poking fun, but because I was thinking this poor soul in this cult has no idea who she is trying to convert here ... "Sweetheart, we don't have to EARN salvation." I responded. "It is given freely to us. Jesus died for it. Salvation is meant for every single human being in every walk of life." She didn't like that answer, told me I don't know the Bible, and continued to tell me the specifics of earning Salvation via the Passover (which was NOT the Eucharist, apparently). We had some chat back and forth, but I stopped it. We weren't getting anywhere, and I was tired. If she wanted to get Biblical and edgy with me, then I had only one Biblical message to leave her with.
"Honey, Iook. When you go home, take out your Bible, flip to the new Testament Gospels, and read the part about Jesus's commands. The only rule in the Bible that Jesus gave us is LOVE. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself. That's it. It's not about works, or the Passover, or any of these things you're getting caught up on. Salvation is free and for everyone - and Love is how we are to live." She was getting pissed, pretended to get a phone call, invited me to their Bible study and started to walk away. And as she walked away, I called out to her. "Remember this conversation tonight. Remember it. God IS only and HAS only and WILL only EVER be about LOVE. Remember that. Love."
And then, of course, I turned around an had a level-setting conversation with God. "I can't believe you just did that to me when you know how tired I am." And God chuckles.
A PART OF ONE
So, let's take the LOVE reading from today (since I sat through 3 sermons) and I'll give you my honest perspective on it:
"Which is the first of all the commandments?" Jesus replied, "The first is this: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. - Mark 12:28
That first part about loving God... okay, I can see that. God is stable; God is "known"; God is constant and reliable. God is love. God has done an awful lot for me. I am nothing without God. So even when things get rough; even when I'm angry at God... I still have a deep rooted love at the core of my being. And I cling to it at all times.
But man, that second part... loving your neighbor as yourself... for me, that's where Love can get really, really tricky. Or at least that's a place in life where I've gotten myself into trouble on numerous occasions; on one hand, because not all neighbors strive to put love into practice at the same or at any level. And on the other hand, sometimes I try to love my neighbor so much that I forget the "love yourself" part and wind up on empty. Emptiness doesn't mean I don't love myself, it just means that I'm giving to someone or something that is not working as hard to replenish me. Love reciprocity can get out of whack. Tricky.
Love is really all about balance; and more simply, about ONENESS. Because if I love my neighbor the way that I want to be loved and my neighbor loves me in the same way, then we become ONE and LOVE becomes our baseline. Love becomes the constant. Love becomes the standard. Love becomes our even field. Expectations and hurt feelings are lost because love makes us ONE. Love makes us whole. Love is reciprocal. And God is love. And in a perfect world with perfect humans, that might easily be the case.
But in the polarized, imperfect world that we live in, this ONENESS thing is seemingly impossible. Even with people we love and/or see eye to eye with. Nevermind those that we don't... Because "how can I be ONE with someone that thinks that? Or votes that way? Or has those ideas? Or wouldn't shovel my snow when I shoveled theirs? Or never called me back when I needed them? Or screwed me over? Or has a different lifestyle than I do? We will NEVER EVER be ONE." See... I told you loving your neighbor was tricky. But God is still love.
So how do we bridge that gap?
MANIFESTING BRIDGES
A couple of weeks ago, I attended my very first Snatam Kaur concert, an American woman who was raised Sikh and goes around singing beautiful mantras with her audiences. I’d only just recently been introduced to her music in August by my Southern “brother from another mother, ” Andy. So when I saw that she was coming to Manhattan, I bought a ticket, grabbed my newly made mala beads and went. And what an experience!!! Anyway, she told a story that was not only hugely impactful to my evening, but also to this blog topic. The details of the story are secondary to the message: MEDITATE! Yes, a key element in Buddhist meditation is to find ONENESS with other people when situations arise that evoke anger, confusion, unrest, anxiety, etc. And, somehow, when you focus on manifesting oneness via meditation, you create the space that bridges the gap. “They” are me and I am “them.” We are the same.
The key to the gap is to practice love by meditating and intending for ONENESS.
ONENESS doesn't mean you'll be giving up your stances or thoughts or opinions. ONENESS doesn't mean you're suddenly head over heels for a person that has wronged you. Meditation brings us back to healing and wholeness. And oneness and wholeness are stances of love. And God is love. And if we can meet each other there, this "sameness" gifts us with new levels of openness, understanding and perspective to help us process and move forward. It dulls the sharp edges that we sometimes jut into each other out of frustration. It gives us a reason to be more gentle – to be kind. To truly yearn to be to others who we wish other people would be to us. To love our neighbors as ourselves. To be God to other people. And God is love.
Because ... what if YOU become the change agent for someone else, simply because you've loved them in a way no else has before? What if YOU are the one who plants a seed, because even though you were tired, you took a moment in kindness to give God to someone? Maybe your own practices of meditation and intent will bring certain level of manifestation not only to your life, but to everyone that encounters you.
PARKING WOES AND NOs
And, of course, when the universe is trying to teach me something, ripe situations present themselves and then I pull out my new tools to see if it makes a difference. So on topics of loving my neighbor, oneness, and meditation... another real life story.
The work week had been a really hard one, again. And I was so glad to make it to a Saturday – one that began like many others, with YOGA. And in that class, we heard about the theme of “Letting Go” of things that don’t serve us. And I spent that time intending to release the stress and the weight that I knew I was carrying. And I felt so much better by the end of that hour. Sometimes yoga feels like magic.
Class ended at 10:15 am and I floated home in my yoga zone, sweaty and ready to conquer the huge TO DO list that I had mentally accumulated. And my phone rang at 10:35 am. The Hoboken Parking Authority. Uh oh. I’ve only heard from them maybe 3 times in the 5 years I’ve lived in Hoboken – but, since I’m resident parker, generally when the parking authority calls, you know there is some sort of issue. And usually, it's a heads up that you need to move your car before they tow it. And this time was no different. “You are parked in front of a temporary no parking sign. Can you please move your car?” It caught be by total surprise, “Really?! I had no idea – yes, I will move it right away – thank you for calling and letting me know.” And (still in my wet yoga clothes) I grabbed my keys and ran down a few houses where my car had been parked for several days.
Temporary no parking signs pop up all the time in Hoboken and it’s hard to keep track of them. On a couple of these occasions when I’ve been called to move my car, usually there is construction and workers are standing near your vehicle waiting. It makes you feel like a real asshole, but usually people are cool about it and crack a joke and a smile. It is an honest error that is quickly and easily rectified with little issue.
Until this day. This particular Saturday morning after a tough week was going to be different. As I approached, I met the crowd of people with a smile offering, “I’m so sorry about that! I had no idea,” quickly realizing that this was a family helping a new Hobokenite move in. Their response to me. “Right, you had NO IDEA. (sarcastically).” And I was unprepared. Totally unprepared for what I was stepping into. I repeated myself still smiling, “Nope, no idea. Not at all.” Someone else piped in with anger, “There’s a ‘no parking’ sign posted.” (To be honest, I couldn’t actually see the sign at that moment and never remembered seeing a sign when I parked a couple of days prior, but continued to offer… ) “Wow, yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t see a sign when I parked here.” Someone else tossed in, “the sign has been there for days.” “Okay, I didn’t see it, I’m sorry.” And then the new tenant, “The Hoboken Parking Authority called you” to which I responded, “Yes, I literally JUST got back from a yoga class and they just called me RIGHT NOW. I’m at my car within a minute of that call. I’m sorry, again.” And got in my car to protect myself from the daggers their eyes were launching, and moved a block away.
I had only JUST let go of the stress of the work week and found myself in a pit surrounded by all of the unrest that I had just released. Oh universe, you are a funny one.
More than the shock of the spoken words, the interrogation, and their disbelief of my ignorance, was the lasting feeling left by the way they looked at me. Especially the mother. It was a stare of absolute disgust. Like I was nothing. Like I had ruined their entire move. As if I had purposefully ran over their black cat in the middle of the street at midnight. Except that I hadn’t. I just missed a temporary sign. My mistake.
Anyway, I returned to my apartment. Except, I was no longer focused on the huge lists of tasks that I had to accomplish or relaxing in a zen yoga state. Instead, I was caught in the whirlwind of reliving this experience over and over again. Of the faults of my humanity. Of their non-acceptance of my apology. Clearly, I couldn’t do anything to fix their disappointment; clearly I didn’t purposefully set out to upset their plans. And as badly as I felt, I was also kind of ticked at their inability to empathize.
And the whirlwind was doing nothing to settle me, so instead of continuing with my day, I sat there and meditated in my wet yoga clothes. Snatam Kaur came to mind and the lesson on meditation and oneness. So I gave it a try: Meditate to oneness so that they are me and I am them. And maybe that would help me love them... process, release and move forward.
And I sat there and meditated on all the feelings. On becoming one. And fixated on letting go of that awful stare of disgust, I tried to see it from their perspective. I considered they couldn’t have known how much work had been beating me down… and how hard it was to get to Saturday. They couldn’t have known that my Chronic Fatigue symptoms had been breaking through lately and that most days it was a struggle to get up. They couldn’t have known that my left ear was inflamed and preventing me from hearing again, which affected my balance and concentration. They couldn’t know what it’s like to park in Hoboken or how often those temporary no parking signs are posted and removed. They couldn’t have known the peace that I felt as I approached them and apologized. They couldn’t have known that I wasn’t a jerk like everyone else. They couldn’t have known that I love God. They couldn’t have known it was ME coming to greet them.
And on the flip side… I couldn’t have known all the plans that they had made and all of the stresses they were facing. I couldn’t have known what moving trials they’d encountered, or how early they had arrived. And more than just moving stresses, I couldn't have known what life stresses they are facing, either. And yes, I had apologized. But they didn’t hear me. They didn’t accept my apology. And they had not forgiven me. And during my meditation, I came to hear myself think, “Maybe these people with whom I am now ONE are fighting a silent war, just like I am. Maybe they don’t feel the peace and groundedness that I feel having just come from yoga. Maybe they’ve never experienced God or what it’s like to be unconditionally loved. Maybe they don’t realize that a 30-minute parking mishap is NOT a big deal in the scheme of possible bad things that can happen in a day. Maybe someone passed away in their family this week and they are projecting their emotions. Maybe they are in a bad time crunch and stressed about it.” None of those things excused their poor behavior, but taking the time to meditate and consider the possibilities helped me release a lot of the venom that I had started internalizing.
AND THEN THE CUPCAKES
And I realized this was not a time to sit back. It was a perfect time for action. It was time to bring those angry people some joy. To remind them that there are still good people in the world – that love is not so far away. And I was going to do my best to bring it to them. To give them a reason to consider that they, too, are one with me. So I decided on 3 specific actions:
#1. Writing a Note. I started by putting pen to a blank piece of paper:
“Dear New Neighbor & Family, Apologies, again, for any inconvenience in your move this morning & welcome to the neighborhood. I know that moves can be stressful – when I moved in 5 years ago, someone also parked in front of my no parking signs & we had to call for assistance, too! Hopefully this will be your only glitch & the rest has gone smoothly.
If this is your 1st time in Hoboken & you have a car, you’ll learn that parking is really difficult around here. Most of us find a spot and park for multiple days at a time b/c we work very demanding city jobs. We don’t always see temporary signs go up – and luckily, the Hoboken Parking Authority is kind enough to give us a call in these types of situations. In this case, I came to move my car within one minute of them calling me.
Know that you are moving into a kind neighborhood of low drama and some really great people. I love and value my neighbors – and respect them, too. For that reason, should you need anything or have questions about Hoboken, etc, I live only a few doors down. Feel free to ring the bell.
Have a wonderful day & good luck in your new place! –Katie”
#2. Sticking to Tradition. Most people know by now that we Italians solve every problem with food. Or in this case, with cupcakes. I got up off of my couch and walked to a local “cupcakery” and ordered 20 assorted mini cupcakes. There felt like there had been an army of naysayers, so an army of naysayers I would feed.
#3 Making a house call. To be honest, I had been so thrown when I went to move my car, I couldn’t determine which apartment the new tenant was actually moving into. I hadn’t even seen the temporary sign until I specifically went back and looked for it. So I stood in the general vicinity of the incident and looks for signs of life. And finally I saw people unboxing through a basement apartment window – so I went up to the screen and said “knock, knock” through the window. And the new tenant came to the door. “Are you guys the people who I parked in front of?” And she confirmed – so I handed her the card and bakery boxes and said – “This is for you! Sorry again, and welcome to the neighborhood.” And she thanked me and went on her way.
Now I have absolutely no idea what happened after that. Little chance I will ever see or hear from this tenant or her family. It’s already been a couple weeks. But I guess it doesn’t necessarily matter from my perspective. Because I can only do my best to be a person of meditation, of light and of love. What another person does with the action that I pass to them is on them. That is the end of my work, and perhaps the rest is up to God and their own hearts.
FAST FORWARD
Being a person of meditation, oneness & action. Being a person of kindness. I like it. I've always liked it. But it got me to thinking… how much more awesome would life be if all of us took the time not to repay anger for anger. If we repaid anger with love and positivity – wouldn't that make such a difference? Can our actions of peace bring more balance and a higher vibration to our world? I think they would. If we all took a moment to put ourselves in other people’s shoes; to put our pride and our baggage to the side; to meditate and become one with each other. If we put aside our own perspectives and look at others with unconditional love. It doesn’t mean we won’t ever lose our temper or be doormats, either. It just means that we will continue to strive each and every day to be the best human beings that we can.
And love comes in all different kinds of forms (not just in cupcakes!). Sometimes the action for love is giving space and praying for someone. Sometimes it is sending a text to say “I see you, I hear you. I know you’re in a rough spot and you aren’t forgotten.” It might be an unexpected card or a phone call. A visit. PRESENCE is a GIFT and a beautiful action.
I’m very lucky that I had been a person of yoga that morning and that I had let go of a lot of stress before getting that call to move my car. Because the story may have gone a bit differently… for both of us.
But it went the way it was supposed to go; and I'm glad to be happy with the ending.
THE MESSAGE
What would happen in our hearts and in our world if we focused on being LOVE instead of focused on being right? If we focused on opening our doors and our hearts instead of slamming them and running away? If we woke up every morning and took 5 minutes to mantra "I am Love."
The moral of the story is... practice oneness; practice meditation; practice showing up with love. If they don't love you, love them more. And if they still don't love you, pray for them and release them to the arms of God. Because God is love.
xo
SONGS FOR MEDITATION
Har Ji Har Har Har Har Har Ji / I Am Love by Snatam Kaur (this is my favorite!!!!)
Mantra explained on her FB page: "As we chant Har, consciousness of God awakens within. Ji tunes us in to the Divine nature of the soul as it comes from God, is here to experience God, and is on it’s way back to merger with God. Once we relate to the Infinite soul nature of who we are we are able to engage with the world challenges as life lessons. We see these lessons as the stepping stones for the soul to accomplish it’s task of merger. Then we chant Har four times to cleanse within, churning the Divine energy of God. Finally we end with a final Har Ji, and as we chant this we then tune in to the Big Ji, the Great Cosmic Soul, that is the Soul of all beings. This allows us to connect up to the place where we are all One. When we see ourselves as One, our actions and words shift to focus on the good of all and this is where true transformation as a society is possible."
Long Time Sun by Snatam Kaur
Sat Naaraa-in by Snatam Kaur " Sat Narayan Wahe Guru Hari Narayan Sat Nam.
Meaning: True Sustainer, Indescribable Wisdom, Creative Sustenance, True Identity
Comments