Growing up, I was exposed to tons of expressions of religion. I was raised Catholic, but because there weren't too many programs outside of Sunday Mass or religion class to supplement spiritual development, my parents took my brother and I all over the place to find it.
The "boiled-down" schedule looked something like this: Charismatics on Tuesdays, the Rosary on Wednesdays, Presbyterian youth group on Thursdays, Jews for Jesus on Fridays, Mass at on Saturday/Sunday, Central Bible Chapel "boys' & girls' club" on Sunday nights, Baptist Vacation Bible School in the Summer, etc. Not to mention followings of Billy Graham Crusades, listening to Christian Radio Stations, participating in just about every altar call, and having a ton of Jews in the family through an inter-religious marriage. There were Passover Seders and Hanukkah Menorahs, Crucifixes and religious Statues under the same roof. My grandparents owned a religious manufacturing company in their basement -- so there were ribbons and threads; Lutherans and Evangelicals; male and female reverends. ALL. THE. TIME. I've played dress up with miters and vestments before they've been worn by Bishops! A lot of religion mixed in with everyday life. A lot of God all over the place. For as long as I can remember.
Among others who shared in this kind of intense "God" background, I've seen two general types of adult outcomes -- the ones that give it all up, and the ones that keep seeking it out in their own way. And I understand the "why" of both. Which brings me to this point: Religion and spirituality are NOT the same thing, but both can lead you to God.
Due to more recent circumstances, my spirituality and my religion are sort of on a break from each other... not because of God, but because of humans. And that's okay. It's sort of like a HOUSE is just a house, but a HOME is created over time by the people that live in it. A house can be blown over by a storm, but a home can move from place to place, and still feel the same. I house a Catholic belief structure, but within the walls of that structure, lives and breathes a very alive spiritual connection with my God. Together, God and I have made a home. And that is what keeps me on the path. Even when it feels like the house is closing it's doors to me.
So I'm going back to my roots. Seeking (according to my childhood) includes being exposed to a house of religion, but also to lots of spiritual perspectives and activities which maintain a home. And since the house is on hiatus, I'm focusing on the home: Prayer, Yoga, Meditation, Reiki, God. Learning and Reading. Trusting. But it's funny how religion gets entangled and sticky on matters of spirituality. Sometimes they fit together like a glove, and then other times, spiritual things aren't the way my Catholicism (or Google) dictate they should be. When you feel called to look for God somewhere, and then find every article on why you shouldn't or are not "allowed" do it... which is usually just ignorance or fear talking. Even still, it causes conflict within me. Because my house is rules. And my home is rule-less. But, heck, I'm with God. Wherever that might lead.
To mitigate my own internal fear, when trying out something spiritually new, I often recall the words spoken to me by a Catholic religious ...
"Get educated in it. Try it out. Pray on it. If it suits your spiritual growth, keep it. If it doesn't serve you, let it go. You will know them by their fruits."
So I wondered what kind of fruit had I stumbled upon when I found a Buddhist temple around the corner from my office over a year ago. Monthly Jazz Meditation. Wow - that sounded like something right up my alley. But Buddhist? Hmmm. I'd never been exposed to that before. And the research began: What do Buddhists believe in? Are they going to try to convert me? Will they accept me if they know I love Jesus? Dammit, why don't Catholics ever offer this type of cool thing? And every couple of weeks I would find myself passing by the Shinnyo Center for Meditation & Well-being and asking myself these questions. I felt magnetically drawn to walk through those doors, but then crept in the fear. Is this good for my relationship with God?
So I continued to read and research. Clearly Buddhists and I don't think the same about the path we're on. But, can I take my God and my spirituality into a Buddhist environment to somehow enhance my own faith journey? I decided I wanted to try. And I began to chat up this meditation center with co-workers until I found someone courageous enough to go with me. A 30-minute meditation session during lunch. No commitments. No investment. Just to see what it was like.
And we went. We entered the front door and were led to a large, dimly lit, bare bones meditation room and took a seat on a cushion. Ding, Ding, Ding. It started. Ding, Ding, Ding. It ended.
I LOVED IT. Those 30 minutes felt like 30 seconds and I couldn't wait to go back. Turns out, their guided meditations weren't about religion at all. They weren't trying to enlighten me or impart their beliefs on me, and neither was I. We were just there to BE together. It was about setting aside time to contemplate, to breathe, to gain perspective in the silence. To calm the F down. And although the instruction was to let go of everyone and every thing and be in complete stillness and silence, I sat there for the duration breathing in God. The Buddhist priest spent the time in his uncontained vastness; and the Catholic minister on the other side of the room... she spent the time with Jesus. And both of these scenarios were valid.
I became a regular at the Shinnyo Center. Known by name when I walked through the door. Welcomed. Missed. Hugged. I started attending the longer evening sessions, and experienced some amazing things that I wished I could tell someone about. There was nothing scary about this -- it was enlightening, prayerful, and powerful. My soul was so thirsty for that semi awake, semi asleep state where God could just sit with me in the calm. And I had been led there to the Buddhists, to do just that.
You will know them by their fruits.
FAST FORWARD...
Religion doesn't always equal the path to Godliness, although I hoped it would. And spirituality doesn't always translate to religion, although I hoped it would. They are not often interchangeable. But they can work very beautifully together, if we can develop and apply them in a healthy and balanced way. Building a house around a home. So why not have both if they perpetuate your relationship with God?
In seeking the Divine, my personal preference is to have every tool that I possibly can. I'm thirsty - and it seems the more I drink, the more I thirst. So, I'm doing the best I can to fill up my spiritual basket with all of the fruits of the Divine -- pears, apples, bananas, watermelon, kiwi. All of them that feed my path. All of them that draw me closer to God. You will know them by their fruits."
It's no wonder that my own faith and/or ministry style is not acceptable by some that are more traditional and conservative. God works in me / meets me through a collage of many influences. And that's okay. And I'm good with that. But I'm still searching. Daily. I have been Catholic by profession, action, and ministry. My feet are grounded there. But I am not ONLY confined to that. That is not my be all and end definition as a Child of God. I am a part of every human person on every path leading to the Divine. I am a part of every spiritual action connecting to the Divine.
Until this past Friday, I had never made it to Jazz Meditation night. But I didn't need to. Because I found God loudly at the Buddhist temple, right in the silence.
THE MESSAGE IS...
Seek the Divine in all things, among all peoples, and at all times. As Msgr. Joe Celano taught me in college, God does not exist in us... We exist IN GOD. And that means GOD IS EVERYWHERE because everything exists WITHIN God. In the supermarket. At the gas station. In the kitchen. In a yoga asana. On the beach. At the Buddhist temple. In the Muslim Mosque. At the bottom of the ocean. At the laundromat. In a Reiki session. There is nowhere you can go outside of the love and light of the Divine. We are made and held WITHIN the Divine.
Regardless of whether you feel like you belong to a house, BUILD A HOME! Find the tools that lead to God's fruits for you. Whatever they may be. Don't be afraid of them -- work on them. Every day. God knows you are seeking. Be open to how God is reaching out to you. And don't be surprised when you're in an unsuspecting place and realize you aren't there alone.
We are surrounded by the light of God, because everything is in God. Consider that we are all only humans running with glee to capture a lightning bug (because the light in the darkness of our humanity is mesmerizing). We may hold the light momentarily in our palms, but we continue to run should it fly away. Until the day that we slow down to realize that there are lightning bugs glowing and flying all around us. And we don't need to run anymore.
xo
SONGS FOR MEDITATION & REFLECTION...
Can You See God by Chris DeSilva: https://youtu.be/JXo9keWVbhU
Yours, Stephen Curtis Chapman: https://youtu.be/Ccgg0mxglNc
Christ Be All Around me by Michael W. Smith: https://youtu.be/DOwTaHT8qkA
It's All Yours, Chris Tomlin: https://youtu.be/98gQsBp-Zlo
© 2018 Katie Riley
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